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Times are harder

Just as the title says. The last few weeks have been very difficult for me.

Quick summary.

My Dad has come out of his shell lately as noted by the previous post. Except he was found a few weeks ago lying on the bathroom floor, unconscious. I have another brother who probably took money for him and didn't give him any medicine or whatever. Pretty much left to die. Thankfully someone came to visit him and he was rushed to ICU and survived. However, his lifetime of drinking has caught up to him and he's in his last days. He was removed from the Hospital and sent home so he could die around his loved ones as opposed to a hospital bed.

Even though my Mom has been divorced from him for over 10 years, she came to his side and is going through a bit of pain. Add to that my little brother and my family life has been even worse.

Second, I can't somehow keep afloat with bills. I mean, I am able to get them paid off but things have been harder lately trying to help out stuff with my brother, who doesn't have a job =/ It's like having another kid. Expensive.

That's it, I suppose. I've been pretty miserable off and on dealing with this stress and the lack of companionship lately. I don't feel it's a good stage in my life for such things. I hope I can get that area of my life underway once things calm down. I don't want someone just for the sake of having someone. I've made that mistake before. I guess I am trying to be picky? I want something that'll last longer than a few months, that's all =P Well, enough of -that- side of me.

I was able to finally watch the last 2 seasons of Sailor Moon, all in all, so I can now say I've seen all 200 episodes of one of my favorite series. Was a pain at times with fillers but good overall.

By September, I will be out of a huge debt and that's when things should begin to look up. Hopefully my little brother will have found a job by then or in a place on his own.

Last, my place has been hot lately. o_< The AC runs fine, however. But I have huge windows that probably let in the heat. The blinds cover them okay but it's still pretty bright. I probably should cover them? I don't know. I just know that my AC doesn't really do a good job even though I can feel it run. Luckily, it's not unbearable. Just a nuisance. It's cool, just not cool enough.

Enough of this mess. The first half of 2010 blows. I hope the second half is better.


Yep, I turned 27 today. Um, yesterday. x_x

Anyhow. Birthday was all sorts of awesome for the most part.
Friday, um, nothing. Went out with brothers.

Saturday, my friend Snowy treated me and my brothers out to dinner at Red Robin. I got a sweet birthday card with stuff! Very nice dinner, too. I'm still thinking about that burger D: Another friend, Houndu, gifted me with a Microsoft Points card, 4000 points. Niiiiiice. I used half of it for Rock Band tracks. I finally have the Rubber Soul album for Rock Band: Beatles. The other is going toward any new arcade game I feel as time comes.

Sunday was a huge meet that was pretty fun save for the noisy music and such. Houndu again took me out to see Toy Story 3D and dinner. Great great movie. Dinner was nice, too.

Monday, I went to work and my parents gave me and my brother a PS3. Finally! Hah. Poor Alex has been wanting one for God knows how long. We're breaking it in tonight and tomorrow.

Lotsa crap this weekend, too, but I'm pretty okay. I'm very overwhelmed by people to be flat out. Some people. I hope this week things can smooth out.

Much love to all. -collapses-

My Family

I can't take this anymore. I have to vent this somewhere.

I have four brothers. One of them is my twin, Alex, whom I am the closest to. He's basically my half. That's how we are. We come together as one item.

I do have three other brothers. A little brother and two step brothers. All of them were born with my Dad's influence and have gone through many troubles. They've gone through drugs, alcohol, and have had children at young ages and all the like. The way my family was just this. My twin and my little brother and my parents. The other two step brothers, I only saw occasionally. But didn't live.

When my parents divorced when I was 17, me and Alex stayed with my Mom while my little brother stayed with my Dad. The remainder years show the difference in us. Alex and I were always good kids. My little brother was a hellraiser and living with my Dad in his drunken ways.. Sure enough, he drank himself to death. I lost contact for a while.

Then last year, I found out my little brother was in jail. Beyond stuff of outstanding tickets that turned into warrants. He had domestic abuse charges against his brothers and supposedly tried to leap at an officer while drunk. Was in prison for 6 months. My mom's being an emotional wreck on top of all this. She is already a little unstable but this really pushes her over the edge.

Little brother got out of jail last month and has nowhere to go. My dad, grandparents, and others won't take him and he has no friends. My mom reluctantly took him in knowing that he stole from her before. Little brother has changed since then but is now just a lazier and apathetic version of his former self. But something is still weird and creepy about him. My mom is at her breaking point and trying to convince me to take him in. Even throwing me pamphlets to move into a 2 bedroom to take him in. Fuck no. I can't change my entire life for that.

Now my Dad is in all this. My Dad has been off the deep end for years now. He drinks himself, seriously, to death and even soils himself in bed, he gets so drunk. Today he swore he would beat my ass if I told anyone about that. Though he doesn't even know where I live. Then he stopped calling. He called me again a couple hours later, even more drunk and in tears, saying he was proud of me. Talked about stuff during my childhood such as boy scouts and my high school life. Then he swore he loved me and offered me his last name.

Me and Alex are the only sane ones out of my family. I wish it could just be us two and nobody more and I honestly mean it =/ My mom maybe. But not in her condition now. I want her to get better but she's been off her rocker for a while now. I dunno.

tl;dr My family's messed up. But who's isn't anyway?

I'll talk to anybody

My vacation is next week. Thank God. I am looking forward to it because I desperately need a break from work and life in general. Most everyone agrees that I do. It is more of a stay-cation, as they say. But I plan on having some guests over/visiting others during that time. Get and socialize.

Some interesting things that have happened.

First, my work vehicle passed to 200K miles today. That was from February 2008 until May 2010. Pretty crazy. That may give people an idea of how much I drive.

Next, Dev and I had a great time when I visited him in Austin. There's a folder in my Scrapbook that has some pictures. In a nutshell, I toured the campus, saw a MST3K-style bashing of "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", went to a couple of awesome museums, and ate a lot of food.

Going on, I finally was able to complete all of those goddamn Starbucks maintenance checks. They kicked my ass but I did it.

I went to a furmeet earlier today and something interesting happened. A friend of mine named Darryl.. well, he is someone who I have talked to off and on for a couple years. Today he surprised me with a coyote puppet and a tail, which I later found out is a taxidermy tail... so I do not know what to do with that. But the coyote puppet is adorable. I was being stupid with it at the furmeet by nuzzling it and making it interact with some furs. The meet was nice. I felt I broke out of my shyness a little more and people enjoyed my company. Sometimes my confidence lowers but I guess it happens to everyone at times.

http://pics.livejournal.com/feelthewind/pic/001078yf It's adorable! His jaw moves. It's neat, very neat.

However, he slipped a religious card inside of it. He admitted that he put it in there after the meet and said he believed in Christ and this and that and wanted to see how others would react. Nothing really negative was said about religion at the meet, however. Which is good. I'm all for people believing whatever they believe. I don't care, personally. I'm not a religious person but I am not anti-religious.

I titled this post "I'll talk to anybody" because later on at the meet, some people were surprised at who I talk to and just it is said, I will talk to most anyone without issue. I hear plenty of gossip about people but I usually talk to them before instantly blocking them away. I don't know. I just like talking/interacting with people. I can't help it at times.

I must survive this week, now. Hurry up Friday. u_u

Still Alive and Here

I've been pretty busy again lately. About a month ago, Karen said I had a week's vacation "that I needed to take ASAP before the summer season begins and work picks up". What a crock of shit. A few days later, Starbucks laid out a bunch of Maintenance Checks on their machines for about 15 of their stores and each one takes about 2 hours to complete. The problem is that they are all in cities about 1 to 3 hours away from Dallas. This means that I they need someone to go out that far while the others contain the calls here locally. Yup, so no vacation. I've been doing these and am about halfway done. Vacation has to wait, I guess. Just like last year where they bought mine out so I could return to work.

It's frustrating. It's becoming really hard dealing with working for my parents and their attitude is incredibly off the wall and sour lately.

Aside from that, my social life is pretty okay. I'm trying to keep up with the meets around and have been to a few and they've been enjoyable. I've seen Dev a few times since he went back to Austin. In fact, I'll be seeing him in Austin next weekend. I haven't been there since I was 13 or 14, or so. Either way it's been a long time since I've been to Austin. And seeing Dev is a plus. Even just as friends, we behave about the same as before. Nothing bad; though it is something different for me.

I had to stay at my Mom's house for about 2 weeks a couple of weeks ago while they had to run to North Carolina for emergencies. I was talking last night with a friend about my view on hauntings and paranormal stuff. My mom swears up and down that her place has spirits and things happen and everyone at work testifies that this is true. I went in sleeping in their guest room knowing this and felt I slept the best I ever had in a long while. I thought about it again last night and wonder why my family's so open to experience such thing and nothing's happened to me in the slightest. I do not believe my family is crazy and making things up because it'd have to be a huge collected effort for all my aunts, grandmothers, uncles, parents, etc to make up something... I would believe it would be... bleh. I'm just more curious than anything. I dislike hearing people just saying my family's loony when I rant about it. It almost offends me. But anyhow..

I want my coyote character to look more "coyote-ish" so I am thinking of adding a slight touch of gray to his ears... Then I'll be happy.

Lastly, I am needing newer music to listen to. Again, talking to a friend last night made me realize that if I keep listening to all the older stuff I listen to... It will eventually get boring and I will run out of things. The only new album I've bought lately are Lady Gaga's "The Fame Monster" and Black Eyed Peas "The E.N.D." And they aren't too much of what I really listen to. I may have to hunt stuff on Pandora or Last.Fm to see what I can get pointed into my directions.

Unf, coyote out.


Still need to update this bad boy some more. I had a blast at Furry Fiesta 2010. I finally moved out of my place and moved across the street. I moved out because my other roommates Luis and Stephanie decided to move back home to Denton and I did not want to pay almost 900 a month in just rent for a two bedroom when a one bedroom would be enough.

So I moved across the street to a one bedroom and on the third floor. No street entrance like my last one.. I do have a patio now and have a nice view of Downtown Dallas, though partially blocked by a huge tree.

I feel a lot less stressed here. It's hard right now because of so many extra payments with moving in... but.. once it all settles down, I will be paying a LOT less than what I was used to.

Unf. Time to relax. I am taking a break from TF2 while I situate what I am going to do with the internet here. I am lucky in that downstairs has a gym that offers free Wifi that I can leech off of until then. But to get wired internet... I am considering changing services so I don't pay 110 a month @___@ Fuck that.

Wooo... chill times.

Life update

I have had a lot of stuff happen lately. I probably need to spill it out soon enough. Right now things aren't so good but only emotionally. I am still pretty alright and have a good roof over my head and a stable job. But things have been very trying otherwise.

More when I can assemble the shit in my mind.

At the very least, Furry Fiesta is coming up next week.


A lot has happened within the past couple months. I hardly ever update LJ; I need to. Figures when lots happens, no time to update as opposed to being free and updating a lot of meaningless junk.


First off, figures I'd put this up. See what I get.

Work is currently in overdrive and it seems the only calls I get are from locations 1-3 hours of driving away. Sucks; it puts me working late constantly. Dev and I ended mutually with him moving back to Austin; neither of us have regrets. Lease coming up soon,may be moving. Furry Fiesta coming up as well. Hoping to see lots there.

Back to just.. whatever. Haha. I dunno.
I got back from the Halloween party at Corsi's and Merlot's. A big turnout, I'd guess at least 20 or so. Very fun; I went with Dev and Houndu and lots of talking and goofing off was had.

Hopefully more to come.

Work sucked beforehand however.

Now... bleh. I fall over and sleep.


So these past couple of weeks I saw a couple of movies. 2 weeks ago I saw "Zombieland" which ruled completely. Just hilarious throughout.

The 2nd was slightly more of my brother's wish; we went to a late night showing of "Paranormal Activity". It's in limited release now appearently, well, before it going nationwide... so the only showing was 11p-1a and each showing sold out. The verdict? Okay at best. I'm not sure if the feeling was ruined by me expecting more or by the fucking kids laughing all the damn time... ugh.. never again am I going to a late night showing of a movie. Slightly creepy but I didn't think it was 'awesome'.

Uh... I've hung out with some furs as of late; fun times. Met more people. Been to a couple of meets.

Nothing really at the top of my head. I'm alright; I feel I should be worried about something but I am not. Stephanie says it's just anxiety. bleh.

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